Today’s news:

NOT FOR NUTHIN’ - He isn’t out of his mind — just his pants

Way back in October, I asked the question, “Not for nothing, is Governor Spitzer out of his mind? At that time he was planning on giving illegal residents driver’s licenses, claiming that it would lower our car insurance. I also suggested in that column that he might have had something to hide. “If history is any indicator, when a politician comes up with a spifendorf, and this one’s a beaut, it’s because he/she is trying to steer us away from an even bigger gaffe, one which usually involves him/her in a very unfavorable way – so what’s the governor hiding? Well six months later, it appears quite a lot. Approximately $80,000 worth of hiding, if not more. Not only is Client No. 9 into the “oldest profession” for a big chunk of change, he is also being investigated by the feds (the other oldest profession) to see if any of the monies he spent on L’amour to jour came from his campaign funds. After all, $80,000 is a lot to come out of your checking account without explaining it to the ‘missus.’ Most people don’t make that in a year and this “John” spent it all in one place, well several places, but all in the same pursuit of his happiness. Now, he is not alone in this endeavor. It seems the experts have all opined in one way or another that politicians tend to have a higher level of testosterone, it’s what gives them the drive to seek public office. Gee, I thought it was just the money, the power and the fame. Anyway, because they posses this higher level of the hormone, they have a greater need for sex. Uh? What a crock. Personally, I think he just suffers from that “Emperor” – no, not the penguins or Napoleon, but the “Club Escort Service – syndrome.” Namely, it’s good to be the king -- now where’s my crown? For this smart man, this was one hell of a stupid act. How stupid? As Forest Gump says, “Stupid is as stupid does.” The smart cookie in this mess is Kristen, AKA Ashley Youmans, AKA Ashley Alexandra Dupré, AKA no longer a Happy Hooker. According to her MySpace account, which has been pulled, she was out on the streets at 17 making her own way and is trying to break into a recording career. This escort business was just a means to an end – and that end was to make lots of money. Unfortunately, she will have to do some fancy foot work to extricate her self out of jail time and spend some of that “hard earned” cash on legal counsel. With all the cash coming her way, she’s no longer eligible for a public defender. All to the good - she could actually use jail time to her advantage. With all that free time, she can pen her memoirs. I’m sure that somewhere out there, a book publisher is rubbing its grubby little hands together in anticipation of a book deal. In the end, (she’s been offered millions already), she will have a record deal, book deal and become a celebrity on “Dancing With the Stars” (look what it did for Heather Mills McCartney). Spitzer, on the other hand, will just have empty pockets and attaché cases full of legal bills. In my column of last October, I quoted journalist Michael Gormley: “…State Conservative Party Chairman Michael Long said Spitzer may be playing to more liberal parts of the Democratic Party as his poll numbers drop following a scandal that’s grounded Albany since July.” The article continued, “Some observers said Spitzer wants people to begin talking about what he is doing as governor, rather than what his staff has done.” Not for nuthin’, but it seems that the ex-governor should have stuck with what his staff was doing ‘cause it seems that more than just poll numbers were dropping -- so were his pants. E-mail “Not for Nuthin’” at JoannaD@courierlife.net. All letters become the property of Courier-Life Publications and are subject to publication unless otherwise specified; please include your name, address and daytime telephone number for verification.

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