Citi Field: an ideal spot for public executions

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Okay. So you have not heard from your elected officials, if you wrote to them or called them or e-mailed them about having public executionism in New York state. Don’t despair. It happens to the best — or worst — of us.

Some of you who stumble upon my column “I Sit and Look Out,” in The TimesLedger Newspapers may remember that I wrote one about Constitution Day, which no one seems to observe. I had the temerity--after all, Elaine and I have only two votes--to send that column to my member of Congress and to urge him to take some action about making the day important.

He sent me a robotic e-mail reply and then about a half dozen of his news releases, over the course of several weeks, none of which had the slightest relationship to the subject I wrote about. I won’t give you his name, but his initials are GA and he likes to wear a fresh flower in his lapel every day.

So, if you have heard nothing and will hear nothing, you are in good company, if you consider this blogger good company.

But, here, dear friends, is the solution to the problem! New Yorkers, although perhaps not New York state and municipal governments, can make money from public executions in other states, even if we don’t reinstitute the death penalty. And along with the dough the private sector can pull in, there will be some taxes leaking to government.

How to do this? Easy as 9-9-9. By the way, did anyone note that those three numbers, when pronounced in English equal “no” in German? Three times. Where is Herman these days? Book tour over? Family values restored?

But I digress. Here comes what you have been waiting for: The Metropolitan Opera and many other organizations have been sending live broadcasts of programs and events around the world to theaters and other locales for several years.

How many days a year does Citi Field stay empty? What about the tennis facilities nearby? These could be venues for huge screen transmissions of the live (pardon the pun) broadcasts of the executions in other states. Everyone would benefit. The death penalty states would be spreading their product as it were. The non-death penalty states (New York) would be selling out vacant space. Theaters would be filled to capacity. After all, more than 60 percent of the American population favors the death penalty and they need a little reassurance that these things are carried out properly. What better way than a show and tell?

Think of the tailgating parties. Think of the food and drink that could be sold before and after the execution film is shown at Citi Field and other venues. Think of the souvenirs imaginative capitalists could make and sell. Out of a sense of propriety, of course, such things would not be hawked during the event itself.

This might even make the Mets financially viable. But my enthusiasm may be carrying me into the realm of fantasy.

Think of the school auditoriums, the religious auditoriums, the library auditoriums that could be used to show the DVDs of these events. Because, there will be DVDs, pirated or not. Then there is what can be spread on the Internet, but since this Luddite is not acquainted with all of the nuances of the age of technology, I will not go into that

The mind boggles at the possibilities. And at the income!

Consider: Since 1976, when the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the death penalty as constitutional, there have been at least 1,277 executions and we have missed out on the profits to be made from them. Ridiculous. Please do not be concerned about children seeing such events, even in the auditorium of a house of worship. They should be taught at an early age that crime doesn’t pay. At least not for the convicted miscreant.

As for seeing death, there are few dramatic operas which do not feature a death or two. Children do attend operas, after all, gore or no gore. At “Hansel and Gretel” kids in the audience go wild when the witch gets her comeuppance. One is never too young to learn.

So now you have the solution of the monetary problems of the state — if it is pragmatic and not namby-pamby — for those who know how to make a buck on the backs of others. Sounds a bit like what the banks helped do, together with eight years of Shrub economic disaster to cause the Great Recession. But we’ll go more deeply into that at another time. Amnesia about the eight years of a president from Texas may be difficult to rectify, especially among elephants, but we’ll try. And donkeys need a jolt of reality as well, don’t they?

I have a slogan for this program, too, at no cost to those who want to use it: PEEP, short for Public Executions Equal Prosperity. If Americans have any understanding of free enterprise, there should be millions upon millions of PEEPers.

(In the next blog I am planning to start making some comments about public officials in Queens. The one at the beginning of this screed is mild. I am preparing to raise my security measures and to think about other such safeguards for life and property. That will be based, I would imagine, on how much the sledgehammer and the stiletto matter to those cited.)

Updated 2:42 pm, March 26, 2012
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Reader feedback

Eric Radack from The Penal Colony says:
We might meet revenue-enhancement goals and resolve the travails of a middle-eastern nation--concurrently--by appointing Bashir Al-Assad to manage public executions for profit in a borough of New York City.
Feb. 13, 2012, 8:39 am
Kenneth Kowald from No Holds Barred says:
Mr. Radack: If you are the person I think you are, you know that New York has not had the death penalty since 2007, two years before New Mexico, where I believe the Penal Colony is. All we can do here is broadcast what other barbarians do.
I thank you for your thoughts. If you live in a state which has given up the death penalty--which I think you do--you might vote to have it reinstated there.
Kenneth Kowald
Feb. 13, 2012, 5:18 pm
Ubu Roi from Mount Analogue says:
Dear Mr. Kowald, if you are the person who you think that I think you are, I'm sure that you will recognize "The Penal Colony" as the sublime metaphorical killing field of Franz Kafka's fertile--and febrile imagination; he was, no doubt,a kindred spirit of yours, in the realm creative endings. Taking off from your and Franz's penal maunderings, I might suggest that the proposed executions include a device which might incise, say, the Eight Amendment or the UN Declaration of Human Rights on the backsides of waiting executees. This is the sort of thing that I'm sure would win the endorsement of Ron Paul, stimulate the reptilian brain of erstwhile candidates like Rick Perry, and console the strict constructionists of the Tea Party brand.
yours humble servant,
Pere Ubu

Feb. 14, 2012, 4:41 pm
Big Daddy from Bagdaddy says:
Sir Kenneth of Kowald, esq.

Your pronunciementi have come to our attention at our undisclosed underground palace in Aleppo. We seek a man of your discrete talents to carry out our 5 year "revenue enhancement" plan on the Plains of the Sacred Martyrs. We will firnish (sic) approximately 10,000 disaffected Micawber-ites for the entertainment of the Street and the garnishing of of royal coffers. (GPS coordinates will be sent for your eyes only via our facebook account).
Your clarity of vision has enspired us!

yours, etc..

British Royal Association of Opthomology
Feb. 14, 2012, 6:07 pm
Kenneth Kowald from No Holds Barred says:
Pere Ubu and Big Daddy: Many thanks for your comments. I accept no compensation for these thoughts. Considering what they are, that should astonish no one. All are welcome to use what they will from these blogs. I must admit that the idea of bringing back the guillotine, which some have considered, is not a bad one, in this context. A Reign of Terror against miscreants might well lead to another Napoleon, even in the US of A. As for Kafka, I have not read him in many years, but I do not believe he influenced me in the matter. My concern, as I have indicated from the beginning, has been as a taxpayer. The love of money, after all, is the root of all evil. To have state governments ignore a chance to turn barbarism into a profit astonishes me. Ah, well, no man (or woman) is a prophet in the home country. Again, your Valentine's Day messages are much appreciated. Welcome to the world of PEEP.
Kenneth Kowald
Feb. 15, 2012, 10:47 am
Kenneth Kowald from No Holds Barred says:
To All: I should have noted that Herman did emerge from a book tour and repentance (?) about family values long enough to endore Newton. Was that the kiss of death?
Kenneth Kowald
Feb. 15, 2012, 3:55 pm

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